It's difficult to really say how well I am adjusting to LA. Some days, I really feel good and other days, I feel homesick for New York like crazy. A pen pal is visiting NYC and asked me for some suggestions of places to visit. I almost couldn't make myself shut up. I just named everything I could think of and with them, came a flood of all the memories I've stuck them with. Another friend on Twitter asked if I could recommend any obscure bands and I had none I could think of from here but I had dozens and dozens from NY that I had stories about going to see or hanging out with.
It's things like that that are the hardest for me. I remember things so well that it's almost as if I could feel them in my hands but really, I'm thousands of miles away. My Brooklyn apartment belongs to someone else now. Another person is filling my old job. Friends are hanging out without me. That is the reality of it all and it's hard to come to terms with. Life goes on without you and that's the way it always will be. We like to coddle ourselves by believing that we are an important tool that keeps the machine running but maybe we're really just those useless extra screws that come with all IKEA furniture "just in case."
I don't want you to take this the wrong way. This isn't some manifesto for lifelong misery or a desperate attempt at fishing for reassurance. I'm just saying that you can be fine and not fine at the same time. That's where I am in this process. I'm fine and not fine.
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